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Digg It - Being Heard: Mental and Verbal Strategies for Getting Your Point Across
"Psychologists have found that we are each more interested in knowing that the other person is trying to empathize with us … than we are in believing that they have actually accomplished that goal. Good listening … is profoundly communicative. And struggling to understand communicates the most positive message of all."
--Difficult Conversations, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
We all want to be heard. It's gratifying, empowering, and makes us feel valued. And in a difference of opinion, we want our side to be r
--Difficult Conversations, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
We all want to be heard. It's gratifying, empowering, and makes us feel valued. And in a difference of opinion, we want our side to be r
According to USFDA, a combination product is one composed of any combination of a drug and device; biological product and device; drug and biological product
epresented. We want others to get who we are and to hear our valid arguments, even if they don't agree with us–though, of course, we'd like that to happen as well.
What we may not realize is that the best way to get our point across is often counter-intuitive. To be successful we have to try less and listen more.
Understanding as a Goal
Have you ever been in a restaurant that has a swinging door in and out of the kitchen? Ever pushed (or watched someone push) on that door when another body is trying to get
What we may not realize is that the best way to get our point across is often counter-intuitive. To be successful we have to try less and listen more.
Understanding as a Goal
Have you ever been in a restaurant that has a swinging door in and out of the kitchen? Ever pushed (or watched someone push) on that door when another body is trying to get
; or drug, device, and biological product and fixed dose combination would include two or more combinations of drug.
Examples of combination products may in
Examples of combination products may in
through from the other direction? What happens? You push, they push, and nobody gets through, right?
The same push-pushback phenomenon occurs when two people want to get their differing viewpoints across at the same time. It usually sounds something like: "Yes, but you're wrong because …" or "No, you weren't listening. What I'm trying to say is …" and so on. If you want to get through to the other side and they're not creating an opening, you either let them talk first or push hard enough to get them to hear you. If we extend the metaphor, th
The same push-pushback phenomenon occurs when two people want to get their differing viewpoints across at the same time. It usually sounds something like: "Yes, but you're wrong because …" or "No, you weren't listening. What I'm trying to say is …" and so on. If you want to get through to the other side and they're not creating an opening, you either let them talk first or push hard enough to get them to hear you. If we extend the metaphor, th
lude drug-coated devices, drugs packaged with delivery devices in medical kits, and drugs and devices packaged separately but intended to be used together.
y're probably not listening. The more you force, the more they resist.
When you push for your way, you virtually guarantee failure, because the harder you try to persuade, the harder the opposition will do the same. He wants to be heard, too–just like you.
If you want to get your point across, don't make getting your point across the goal. Make understanding the goal. When you try to understand your conflict partner's view, you create an opening for him to do the same. The door swings toward you as you receive his energy, b
When you push for your way, you virtually guarantee failure, because the harder you try to persuade, the harder the opposition will do the same. He wants to be heard, too–just like you.
If you want to get your point across, don't make getting your point across the goal. Make understanding the goal. When you try to understand your conflict partner's view, you create an opening for him to do the same. The door swings toward you as you receive his energy, b
here is enormous increase in the number of combination products entering the market in the recent years. Combination products have proven advantages but fixe
liefs, and vision, and benefit from a peek at an alternate reality. You're able to see both views simultaneously while you reflect on how differently this person perceives the world from his side of the door.
Giving Way to Get Your Way
Don't give in; give way. There's a difference. Giving someone the freedom to deliver his message is a gift and a model. You're not saying you agree with the message; you're saying you're willing to entertain an alternative view to facilitate solving the problem.
Sensing a receptive audience,
Giving Way to Get Your Way
Don't give in; give way. There's a difference. Giving someone the freedom to deliver his message is a gift and a model. You're not saying you agree with the message; you're saying you're willing to entertain an alternative view to facilitate solving the problem.
Sensing a receptive audience,
d dose combinations are still in the process of convincing regulatory authority on their advantages over the single ingredient formulations.
Combination pro
Combination pro
the speaker relaxes. His energy and ideas have an outlet. He worries less whether you agree with him, simply because you're willing to let him talk. His need for you to understand him is less critical than your willingness to try.
Eventually he has nothing left to say, and now he is opening the door for you. In fact, he's eager to hear your reflections. He's thinking, "Wow, I just made some great points. I can't wait to hear what she has to say about them!"
Offer Information That May Be of Value
So don't start with, "You ar
Eventually he has nothing left to say, and now he is opening the door for you. In fact, he's eager to hear your reflections. He's thinking, "Wow, I just made some great points. I can't wait to hear what she has to say about them!"
Offer Information That May Be of Value
So don't start with, "You ar
ucts have become life saving products for the pharmaceutical companies who doesn’t have many innovative molecules in their product pipeline and have been inc
really out of line, you don't know what you're talking about," or "your reasoning is full of holes!"
If you want to get your point across, start by acknowledging his argument and appreciating his position. Specifically:
For example: "John, you've obviously put a lot of thought into this and care a great deal about the outcome. I liked what you said about
If you want to get your point across, start by acknowledging his argument and appreciating his position. Specifically:
- Summarize his thoughts for him.
- Compliment his reasoning.
- Speak first to his positive intentions.
- Look for one thing you can agree with.
For example: "John, you've obviously put a lot of thought into this and care a great deal about the outcome. I liked what you said about
easingly used in the product life cycle management. Even the companies having product patents are trying to extend their product life cycle through the combi
… " You must be sincere. We're not talking about manipulation, but rather a willingness to step into another human being's shoes.
By listening and acknowledging, you've let your partner come through the door, and it's starting to swing in the other direction. Here's the place where you might get your point across. But one more admonition: change your thinking from getting your point across to offering information that might be of value to him. He may take advantage and he may not. He's more likely to receive your offer favor
By listening and acknowledging, you've let your partner come through the door, and it's starting to swing in the other direction. Here's the place where you might get your point across. But one more admonition: change your thinking from getting your point across to offering information that might be of value to him. He may take advantage and he may not. He's more likely to receive your offer favor
nation products and maximize the revenues. But the companies involved in this practice are overlooking that they are burdening the patients both economically
bly if it helps him achieve his goals, look good, or save face.
For example, "John, from what you're saying, you believe you're doing a good job and living up to the requirements of the job description. I have a slightly different take on it. Would you like to hear it? As I see it, you put a lot of thought into preparing our meetings and organizing staff, and I think you want to do a good job. I have some ideas about how you can go further in your career, if you chose to, by making a few simple changes." The door is swinging back. It's your t
For example, "John, from what you're saying, you believe you're doing a good job and living up to the requirements of the job description. I have a slightly different take on it. Would you like to hear it? As I see it, you put a lot of thought into preparing our meetings and organizing staff, and I think you want to do a good job. I have some ideas about how you can go further in your career, if you chose to, by making a few simple changes." The door is swinging back. It's your t
and physically. They need to rightly judge the benefits of the combination products and they have to even look at the risks involved when combining the produ
urn to walk purposefully through it.
Do You Want to Win or Solve the Problem?
In the end, you may find that "getting your point across" is language that presumes a contest of wills and that there are more efficient ways to achieve your objective. You are less likely to create defensiveness in the listener when you disclose your thinking, acknowledge his, maintain respect and safety, and establish consequences.
Keep in mind there's a problem on the table to be solved. He's offered his view. And now you will present yours. As
Do You Want to Win or Solve the Problem?
In the end, you may find that "getting your point across" is language that presumes a contest of wills and that there are more efficient ways to achieve your objective. You are less likely to create defensiveness in the listener when you disclose your thinking, acknowledge his, maintain respect and safety, and establish consequences.
Keep in mind there's a problem on the table to be solved. He's offered his view. And now you will present yours. As
ts. Some of the combination products were well accepted by physicians while others suffered. Companies involved in development of combination products are fi
you do this, keep the door open. The following steps will help you:
Six Steps for Creating A Willing Listener:
1. Understand Your Story and Their Story. Rashomon is a 1950 Japanese movie involving four people, each of whom tells a story about how a specific event unfolded. Each story is a little movie that looks completely different from the others. Rashomon reminds me that my story may vary widely from my partner's, even when we're looking at the same facts. It helps m
Six Steps for Creating A Willing Listener:
1. Understand Your Story and Their Story. Rashomon is a 1950 Japanese movie involving four people, each of whom tells a story about how a specific event unfolded. Each story is a little movie that looks completely different from the others. Rashomon reminds me that my story may vary widely from my partner's, even when we're looking at the same facts. It helps m
ding difficulty in defining their combination products and facing various challenges from selecting a combination to marketing it.
Following aspects would a
Following aspects would a
exercise caution about how much I think I know about someone else's motives. I try not to presume. How could I? It's not my movie. My goal is to see his movie through his lens.
2. Educate, don't sell, blame, or accuse. When it's time to tell my story, I have to teach the listener what things look like from my perspective. I don't assume he can see my movie either; in fact, I know he can't. When an employee, student, or loved one acts contrary to expectations, I respectfully describe the feelings that en
2. Educate, don't sell, blame, or accuse. When it's time to tell my story, I have to teach the listener what things look like from my perspective. I don't assume he can see my movie either; in fact, I know he can't. When an employee, student, or loved one acts contrary to expectations, I respectfully describe the feelings that en
dd to the challenges in developing combination products:
Which markets to tap where the combination products can do fairly well?
Which combination prod
Which markets to tap where the combination products can do fairly well?
Which combination prod
ued or the resulting impact on the environment or on our relationship. I assume the person has positive intent, and I try to help him to live up to that assumption.
3. Communicate your hopes and goals
3. Communicate your hopes and goals
cts are meaningful and rational?
Which therapeutic categories to select?
Which Combinations can address unmet needs of the patients?
Do combin
Which therapeutic categories to select?
Which Combinations can address unmet needs of the patients?
Do combin
. If I'm disappointed, it helps to let others in on my hopes (for the relationship, the workplace, or the task at hand). For example, "When you said you would have the spreadsheet ready Tuesday, I took you at your word. My hope is that we all recognize the importance of deadlines on a project that's as time sensitive as this one. Can you tell me what happened and what we can do to remedy the situation?"
4. Stay interested. Remain curious and childlike. Look at each situation with new eyes. Don't forget that everyt
4. Stay interested. Remain curious and childlike. Look at each situation with new eyes. Don't forget that everyt
tions increase the patient compliance?
What would be the developing cost?
How to tackle the risks encountered during combination product developmen
What would be the developing cost?
How to tackle the risks encountered during combination product developmen
ing you experience is filtered through your perception, your lens. As Stephen Covey says, "Seek first to understand."
5. Center yourself and extend positive energy. I practice and teach the martial art aikido, often translated from the Japanese as "the way of blending with energy." In aikido, as the attack comes we center ourselves and extend our life energy (ki) to meet the attacker, align with him, and redirect his energy. We lead without force. In life and business, you do the same thing when your language and
5. Center yourself and extend positive energy. I practice and teach the martial art aikido, often translated from the Japanese as "the way of blending with energy." In aikido, as the attack comes we center ourselves and extend our life energy (ki) to meet the attacker, align with him, and redirect his energy. We lead without force. In life and business, you do the same thing when your language and
t?
As combination products don't fit into the traditional categories of drugs, medical devices, or biological products, the USFDA is in the process of devel
As combination products don't fit into the traditional categories of drugs, medical devices, or biological products, the USFDA is in the process of devel
anner are poised and focused, when you exercise both power and compassion, and when you make your adversary a partner by honoring his energy and positive intent.
6. There are no guarantees. What if you've tried to find a creative solution through joint problem solving and the situation doesn't improve? For example, after several conversations and promises to improve, a direct report continues to be disrespectful. Or after your numerous requests to be prompt, an important member of the team continues to show up late or not
6. There are no guarantees. What if you've tried to find a creative solution through joint problem solving and the situation doesn't improve? For example, after several conversations and promises to improve, a direct report continues to be disrespectful. Or after your numerous requests to be prompt, an important member of the team continues to show up late or not
ping new procedures for reviewing their safety, efficacy and quality.
Professional from academic institutions, pharmaceutical industries, health care indust
Professional from academic institutions, pharmaceutical industries, health care indust
t all.
Did I forget to mention there are no guarantees? You may not get your point across, ever. You can, however, remain respectful, interested, and purposeful. In the final analysis, this is where your power lies. You can also employ your company's performance management system as early in the process as possible and hold your staff accountable to its guidelines. At this stage, the point you want to get across changes. You are no longer asking for behavior change. Instead you're making sure the employee understands the consequences of the r
Did I forget to mention there are no guarantees? You may not get your point across, ever. You can, however, remain respectful, interested, and purposeful. In the final analysis, this is where your power lies. You can also employ your company's performance management system as early in the process as possible and hold your staff accountable to its guidelines. At this stage, the point you want to get across changes. You are no longer asking for behavior change. Instead you're making sure the employee understands the consequences of the r
y and representatives from various regulatory agencies are working out to design the regulatory requirements for manufacture and sale of combination products
oad he is traveling.
At home, if getting your point across with your teenager means gaining agreement, you will almost never succeed. However, you can set limits and expectations. For example, "I hear you when you say that your friends can stay out until midnight. Nevertheless, you have to be home by 11:00." …
"But, Mom! …"
"I realize this seems hard to you. But I expect you to be home by 11:00."
Establishing limits and consequences is usually a more practical and effective way to be heard than attempting to gain agreemen
At home, if getting your point across with your teenager means gaining agreement, you will almost never succeed. However, you can set limits and expectations. For example, "I hear you when you say that your friends can stay out until midnight. Nevertheless, you have to be home by 11:00." …
"But, Mom! …"
"I realize this seems hard to you. But I expect you to be home by 11:00."
Establishing limits and consequences is usually a more practical and effective way to be heard than attempting to gain agreemen
.
As there is an increasing trend of the combination products companies manufacturing such products should be able to tackle the problems involved in the de
As there is an increasing trend of the combination products companies manufacturing such products should be able to tackle the problems involved in the de
.
In any case, remember that winning a contest and solving a problem are usually two different things. When you find yourself pushing through that metaphorical door, stop and ask yourself whether it's the winning or the solving you're most interested in.
Resources
Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, by Judy Ringer
How To Get Your Point Across in 30 Seconds or Less, by Milo O. Frank
In any case, remember that winning a contest and solving a problem are usually two different things. When you find yourself pushing through that metaphorical door, stop and ask yourself whether it's the winning or the solving you're most interested in.
Resources
Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, by Judy Ringer
How To Get Your Point Across in 30 Seconds or Less, by Milo O. Frank
elopment. They need to be wiser in analyzing the market trends and the regulatory requirements.
Companies that provide selfless information through particip
Companies that provide selfless information through particip
/em>
The Magic of Conflict, by Thomas F. Crum
Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler FAQs about Conflict, by Judy Ringer
Good luck with all of your communication. Let me know if this article has been useful by contacting me at judy@judyringer.com
The Magic of Conflict, by Thomas F. Crum
Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler FAQs about Conflict, by Judy Ringer
Good luck with all of your communication. Let me know if this article has been useful by contacting me at judy@judyringer.com
tion in industry events and feedback to regulatory authorities would be able to face the challenges and will be successful in developing combination products
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